29/52 - After the Show (The Sky Outside)

"I close both locks below the window

I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple

Sometimes goodbye's the only way" 

- Linkin Park

Dear Internauts, 

The sky outside is a shade of grayish-green, mean and striped with occasional wisps of flimsy smoke.

The MA Solo Artist Awards show went came and went like a summer storm. I'm sitting here at a cafe with the hope that getting out of the house will help me focus enough to write a blog post, but mostly it's just getting me anxious about being around people again.

Sometimes it feels like I'm competent and prepared and capable. Most of the time I'm just recovering from the latest nightmare, trying to dig up enough energy to handle whatever new challenge the day may introduce.

So the show: it went well. Believe it or not, I think it was probably my best set ever as a solo performer.

Honestly, I really do miss playing with a band, though that time in my life was so much shorter. Getting to record with other artists has shown me that my songwriting has grown not just for individual performance but for inspiring others. Most of that is simply the luck of having met some truly talented and brilliant folks who create truly wonderful music. I tend to prefer music as a kind of collaborative medium anyway, despite that most of my writing and performing has occurred as a solo artist.

Though I'm used to the two song sets afforded by open mics, I yearn for the chance to construct a more full and expressive journey as can be found with more songs. For this set I was able to squeeze in four pieces (Pigs on Patrol, Philadelphia, Blue Collar Mama, and What Really Matters). It's not much time to make a real mark, but then I'm sure we both know how that can be far too long to sit through for some performances. Thus why I must and did try to make sure I come in with a big bang. The styling must be unique, while understanding of that I am still a lone baritone with an acoustic guitar. Thankfully, what some may consider a weakness with the simplicity of my set-up, I can use to my advantage. Having ultimate control allows me a freedom both in practice and presentation to head in whatever direction I so choose. A band is restricted in its need to unify, though this is not without its parallels in a solo performance. My singing, playing, energy, confidence, and movement all need to be as attention-grabbing as any band (say for instance the "featured band" of nu-metal local rockers who essentially closed out the night for the sake of drawing a crowd to this somewhat ridiculous event). With four songs—in this case—and only me to share them, there's no real room for timidity or even much ambiguity. I've played a few shows wherein no one payed any attention, and that's a given for a solo acoustic act (or any act really) in a loud bar setting.

Still, I can't just be all style over substance. For one thing, I'm not that good. My singing and playing are not at a level where someone is gonna watch solely because of that. I'm a combination act. Thus I gotta play to my strengths. Despite my usual inability to see much of anything I do or have as a strength, I've been performing for most of my life or long enough anyway to know that I do have something to say. I think everyone does, but I've simply come to recognize that my short time on that stage or while someone is clicking through tracks means that poignancy and frankness are just as important as passion and energy. Like a folk song written as simply as possible around a repeated theme or a pop song with a catchy chorus and a pounding rhythm, the message of a song must resonate inescapably with the listener. Even if you disagree with or find yourself differently interpreting the themes of my lyrics, it's my job to make sure they hit you from a place of genuine, unabashed legitness. That doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't be poetic or broad in due course, but it does mean there ain't much point in throwing a line at you just because it's catchy.

Oh sure, I love a fun rhyme or a simple melody that hits and sticks as much as anyone—maybe more than many—but what's great about the best of those is something I have neither enough skill or interest in to truly manufacture. The ones who do pop best are those who have a passion for it, just like those who do orchestral movie soundtracks or jazz bass lines. My heart may love those too, but my creative abilities and the inspiration that fuels them have found a medium—for the moment—of just trying to create something fresh and honest and intense enough to be grabbing in this weird acoustic alt-rock (folk pop rap punk jam) blend that can only be described as Odist Abettor music.

Maybe it's all poetic in that we all have our own kinds of music to share. But really, you don't owe anyone anything and they don't owe you anything either. It's what you want to give once you recognize that you do have so much to give. Even if you feel like you're nothing and you've got nothing, it is those very thoughts which reveal the edges of this grand depth beneath the surface.

Okay?

Okay.

The sky outside is a shade of faded blue jeans, lean and stretched with scraps of dusty gauze.

Thanks for reading (and thanks so much to those folks who bought tickets and especially those who came out to the show this past Thursday—hopefully, there are many more shows to come),
Odist

p.s.- two artists that definitely stood out at the show (and you should check out):

Jamil Kassam

King Arthur Junior

p.p.s. - here's a video from author, John Green, that shares some things I've been thinking about lately:

p.p.p.s. I still don't know how to process my thoughts about the loss of Chester Bennington. This is gonna hurt for a long time. He will be very missed.