In the grand tradition of this bloggity blog, the following is a probably-too-personal-but-vulnerability-is-the-diet-off-brand-of-sincerity-ramble-through-the-brambles-of-my-tired-mind post. Let's get into it.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
I sincerely hope anyone who is in an abusive relationship of any kind is able to find a safe and healthy way to get the help and distance they need. That is a definitive stand. In no way am I trying to contradict that in the least. I’ve got a whole host of people who I can no longer be around or be in communication with because they were too manipulative, triggering, or a bully.
Here’s what I am saying, in light of all that:
If you’ve got an issue with a friend, family member, close acquaintance, significant other, or anyone else whose life would be severely affected by your absence from it (but again, is not themselves abusive), I urge you, please, don’t cut them out with no warning.
If you care or cared at all about this person, at very least find a way to let them know why you can no longer be in contact with them. Please, try to make it as clear and specific as possible. I would even encourage actually having a conversation or some sort of correspondence about the issues before you decide to never talk to them again.
(again, please understand, this is in cases of seemingly healthy, positive relationships being ended suddenly by one party—not about abusive relationships were one must get away for health, safety, and/or sanity)
Ceasing communication with someone who cares about you and is a regular part of your life with no explanation, warning, or concern for the effect of your actions is heartbreaking. Losing a friend or loved one is devastating enough without the constant question of why. Should I blame myself? What did I do wrong? Let me parse through every conversation and make wild mass guessing about what could possibly have caused this. When is it okay to ask mutual friends (if you have any)? When is it not legitimately caring and wanting to be true to the relationship that once existed versus a form of low-level obsession/pre-stalking levels of investigation?
Am I crazy for just wanting to know why?
If I hurt you, I want to know so I can apologize and understand your feelings.
If you just don’t want to be my friend anymore, I want to know what changed.
But mostly I just want you to be honest with me like how I thought we once were with eachother.
After enough of this same treatment, y’know what becomes the through-line: I’m the common denominator in all these situations. They say it’s best to give folks the benefit of the doubt and not take things personally. We are all self-centered and even the empathetic among is only ever as close as the next body over.
I sincerely hope anyone who is in an abusive relationship of any kind is able to find a safe and healthy way to get the help and distance they need. That is a definitive stand. In no way am I trying to contradict that in the least. I’ve got a whole host of people who I can no longer be around or be in communication with because they were too manipulative, triggering, or a bully.
Here’s what I am saying, in light of all that:
If you’ve got an issue with a friend, family member, close acquaintance, significant other, or anyone else whose life would be severely affected by your absence from it (but again, is not themselves abusive), I urge you, please, don’t cut them out with no warning.
If you care or cared at all about this person, at very least find a way to let them know why you can no longer be in contact with them. Please, try to make it as clear and specific as possible. I would even encourage actually having a conversation or some sort of correspondence about the issues before you decide to never talk to them again.
(again, please understand, this is in cases of seemingly healthy, positive relationships being ended suddenly by one party—not about abusive relationships were one must get away for health, safety, and/or sanity)
Ceasing communication with someone who cares about you and is a regular part of your life with no explanation, warning, or concern for the effect of your actions is heartbreaking. Losing a friend or loved one is devastating enough without the constant question of why. Should I blame myself? What did I do wrong? Let me parse through every conversation and make wild mass guessing about what could possibly have caused this. When is it okay to ask mutual friends (if you have any)? When is it not legitimately caring and wanting to be true to the relationship that once existed versus a form of low-level obsession/pre-stalking levels of investigation?
Am I crazy for just wanting to know why?
If I hurt you, I want to know so I can apologize and understand your feelings.
If you just don’t want to be my friend anymore, I want to know what changed.
But mostly I just want you to be honest with me like how I thought we once were with eachother.
After enough of this same treatment, y’know what becomes the through-line: I’m the common denominator in all these situations. They say it’s best to give folks the benefit of the doubt and not take things personally. We are all self-centered and even the empathetic among is only ever as close as the next body over.
Still, I thought we were good.
I mean, screw some random whoever’s opinion of me, but if my best friend cuts me off like the flick of a switch with no explanation or consideration, it does severely chop into any sense of self-worth I may have had.
If nothing else, isn’t the relationship at very least worth a goodbye.
If nothing else, isn’t the relationship at very least worth a goodbye.
People drift apart. It’s tough to stay in touch over a distance of lifestyles, schedules, and or physical space. But that’s not the issue. I can see someone from high school who I haven’t talked to since ‘09 and we can have a fun, positive catch up then part ways. That’s very different than the one you love more than anyone or anything else acting like you don’t exist at the word go.
Y’know?
Your friendly neighborhood,
Odist Abettor
-p.s.- sorrynotsorry for the emo ramble. working really hard on finishing up the semi-secret project before the end of the month. i know, i know, i’ve been working on it all year. to be fair, I didn’t take it very seriously until this fall season. still, the last big-ish thing i did was the From 9 video. Speaking of, how bout checking that out for old (2014) time’s sake?
Your friendly neighborhood,
Odist Abettor
-p.s.- sorrynotsorry for the emo ramble. working really hard on finishing up the semi-secret project before the end of the month. i know, i know, i’ve been working on it all year. to be fair, I didn’t take it very seriously until this fall season. still, the last big-ish thing i did was the From 9 video. Speaking of, how bout checking that out for old (2014) time’s sake?
