Unsatisfied

Shot from a cannon, I've known chaos before but always trusted that I was aimed in a direction.

Tests, Projects, Semesters, Graduations, Shows, etc...

There was a goal, once, I think. To reach that goal things got really crazy for a while, but it was always within the bounds and borders of at least having a destination. The cannon was pointing toward something, and generally, despite severe wind resistance, I flew how I had to fly and at least there was an impact of some kind. It was usually expected, though maybe not living up to full expectations. It was something tangible, calculable, definitive at least in that I would be hitting something before I moved on toward aiming for something else.

That's what we do; we check off the boxes of maturity.

Then suddenly we're free-falling. What's next? Up to you. What should you do? Up to you.

The only outside restrictions are the law and survival, and it's very easy to separate yourself from those that care about the latter.

(Doesn't it get complicated too when you realize that good people sometimes break laws and bad people often don't need to break them?)

So here we are, out in the midst of the wild sandbox of adulthood where we choose our own responsibilities and generally keep ourselves accountable.

A friend recently told me they miss having purpose in their life. Another person said recently that everything will work out for good (okay, a lot of folks say that.)

We're all trying so hard to find the secret meaning behind all this normalcy, to find our place and our purpose. I think maybe many of us were raised to believe that there's this space we're supposed to fill up and we'll be unsatisfied until we can fit perfectly inside it. Once we do, we can just ride it all the way to the grave, I guess.

I used to think like that, but lately I'm of the camp that says we find ourselves at the result of our choices and must continue to make choices.

Meaning is given more than found. You can read a book that someone else wrote but the themes and the imagery that lasts will be that which most resonates with the choices you continue to make on the daily.

Who you are, who I am, isn't necessarily just a puzzle pieces fiddling around for the correct fit. Nor are we any long just flying from one checkpoint to the next.

We are who we choose to be--someone who holds on to old fears, grudges, and expectations, or someone who takes account of their current situation, takes responsibility for what is theirs and doesn't stress about what's not, and lives their life. That's meaning, that's purpose. We make it with our choices.

Not to say that there isn't meaning to be found in and through and behind everything, but often it's not meaning dressed as answers but meaning revealed to be bigger questions, challenging us to keep pushing forward.

Why?

Well...

Perhaps because we're unsatisfied with simply hitting things we've been told to hit.