Why I'm a Pacifist

I know you mean well, so well, when you tell me how grateful I should be for those who have served in the military, even given their lives, for this country.

I know enough about History to recognize the difference their service has made in shaping both the U.S.A. and the World into what they are today, for good and for ill.

I know some of the most blessed moments of my life have been spent hanging out with and having conversations with those who are serving or who have served, whether they be relatives, friends, or even strangers I meet through happenstance.

I know that the mental and physical toll and dedication it takes to be a part of the armed forces is far more than I could possibly imagine or take into account.

I know that to do the job required of a soldier to the best of their ability it would be impossible for that soldier not to simply follow the orders of their superiors without question.

I know that looking back on past wars and other martial situations, even the most studied of scholars can be hard-pressed to find an option out of those situations that does not include at least some kind of violent action.

I know that this country is neither the first nor will it be the last to have an History steeped in and built upon the bloodshed of military action.

I know that the majority of every U.S. citizen's tax dollars go to the defense budget.

I know that the incentivization of recruitment may eventually lead to the abandonment of veterans.

I know that lives have been saved because others have been taken.

I know that I could not possibly make such decisions for others and must solely place the burden of my own morality on the choices that I make.

I know that I have no idea what war is really like.

I've heard it's hell.

I know that weighing all this and more, balancing the pros and cons of the entirety of human history, all I can say is that I get a little sick in the stomach.

I know the look in a friend's eyes while PTSD takes them too far away.

I know the way a mother, a wife, a husband, a father, and so many friends will wait so long and cheer so hard not for what their loved one does or may do, but for who they know them to be deep down, and how much they hope to see them safely returned home.

I know the lies, half-truths, and manipulative promises that politicians have dangled in front of the eyes of voters on the payroll of private weapons contractors, big oil, and the chance of getting re-elected.

I know that the ones to suffer most in war will always be the poorest.

I know that there is evil in the world.

I know that evil begets more evil.

I know that we can't change anything in the world by not first changing the ways we respond to it.

I know that negotiations between patient, well-educated, open-minded parties can and do work.

I know that it is not always possible for such parties to be given a voice in times of strife.

I know that walking across the room and shaking the hand of a stranger, no matter what differences may separate you, may be the difference between a new friend and a new enemy.

I know I'm tired of people killing and being killed in the name of my country and my freedom.

I know that no one's life is worth more than another's simply because of a separation of borders, economics, or ideology.

I know that to be able to take another's life, one must ignore the complex worth of that life.

I know that I do not want to kill, and my elected representatives should not represent me falsely in this way.

I know my living is not worth another dying.

Honestly, I don't know much.

I don't know how to fix History or save those in situations that seem hopeless.

I don't know why bad things happen to good people.

I don't know what the price of freedom really is or even what that kind of freedom really means.

I don't know what it is to be a soldier.

But I do know what it is to be human, and so do those that are being murdered daily, inside and out.

I'm sick and tired of it.

And really, that's all I know.